Tuesday, February 4, 2014

The New World


In the new world is a war of pure destruction. All states are surrounded by barriers and walls of massive size to protect from enemy raids, spies, looters,  attacks, or small squads of enemy patrols. The main cause was the war between russia and America. The war was over a new weapon that creates dead soldiers to come back to life. america was impressed with the new weapon when Russia first used it, but they knew that russia couldn’t use such a risky weapon. soon, Russia sold it to China and to African countries and they worked together to defeat America and any who opposed them of their new power. America knew they would not survive so they called Japan, Germany, France, and the citizens who formed militias’ all across the world to battle the Russia And Africas’s army

Leon, a lonely farmer living in the ruins of his farm. He still struggles to grow food in the unhealthy fields of radiation infected soil. Leon stays out of the city walls. He isn’t able to pass through, because he can not afford to pay his way in. Everyone in the city gets a small tattoo from a special ink. The only way to get in is to get your arm scanned at the wall. Normally soldiers would pass along his farm for patrols and most soldiers left him and his crops alone. Today no soldiers had passed the area. He had heard news of enemy squads planning attacks along the wall to break into the city but he never thought anyone would ever have the guts to attack the wall of texas. Texas had the biggest wall in america. Leon lived a mile and a half northwest of wall. He had never been accepted into the city. There is only one way in and that is through the air fields where they pick people up by helicopter and drove them into the city. only a certain number is allowed in. mainly rich people or slaves were brought in but poor farmers or low class families lived outside the wall. Only the heavy and strong survived. Today Leon was mending his farmhouse. it was almost winter so he was getting the farm ready for snow and putting things in or out of the barn. while he was locking up the barn an object had struck him and he blacked out. He woke up cuffed to a pole in the collapsing barn in the back fields of his crops. He opened his eyes and ached all over. He looked around and saw two soldiers taking ammo and anything helpful to take. They really needed weapons and food but Leon had none. He had blood splatters on his shirt and he had a bloody nose. He figured the soldiers had beat him. He felt his wrist and ankle throbbing guessing that they were broken as he had no control over the feeling of pain in the bones. He tried using his arms to move and the cuffs quickly jerked his arms back to the pole. He moaned in pain and the soldiers looked over curiously. They saw him awaking and fled the barn. When he looked out of the hole in the ceiling it was raining. He heard thunder and the barn rumbled with terror. Leon tried to stand up on his good foot and slide the cuff up the pole to keep steady and keep standing. he looked around leaning safely and securely against the pole. the barn was empty and the other side of the barn had already started to collapse over time. The storm kept ringing the barn with shocks of vibrations and rumbles. Leon was almost positive that the barn would collapse on him before the storm was over. he tried kicking the pole with his good foot, he tried sliding off the handcuffs, he tried to use his spit to loosen the tight grip of the cuffs but nothing worked. he let his body slowly fall back to the ground and he closed his eyes. the one thing running in his ,mind was that he was going to die. he slightly opened them and looked up at the ceiling that was once again rumbled with thunder. this time the barn shook and creaked with violence and pieces of the barn had fallen around him. he closed his eyes wondering what he could or should do. The only thing possible is to wait for the barn to fall and hopefully the pole would break away from the ceiling and he could crawl to the end of the pole and slide the cuffs off. He knew it was a long shot but he had no choice. He doubted he could survive nor get out. he looked up for a few more seconds, and took a deep breath. e had no family and was no longer nervous for death. he took another deep breath and closed his eyes. He tried to relax and breath softly. Suddenly a giant crack of lightning struck the barn and his eyelids lit up with brightness. He opened his eyes surprised and the last thing he saw was the roof coming down.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Ruffan! I think that you did a great job of formatting you story; using the first paragraph to set the scene before zooming in on your protagonist is a great story telling technique.

    I think you did a great job of creating setting and atmosphere in this story. I can see the bleak world that Leon lives in and that created a palpably heavy mood as you move throughout the story. When I reached the end and learned of Leon's fate, which is pretty bleak, I was almost happy for him because he was escaping this war torn world. That comes back to your skill as an author.

    As you draft, I would consider adding a few smaller paragraphs and breaking up that one large body of text. It can be hard for readers to follow along and stay focused when a piece of writing isn't broken up at all. You could also include a little bit more about Leon's past and personality. Why wasn't he accepted on the other side of the wall? Why doesn't he have a family? etc.

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